(One of Rogerís crewmates, Will (last name withheld), is advancing down one of the corridors of the ship. He pauses beside a small closet, leaning against the wall. He casually checks his watch, muttering to himself.)
Will: Yes... 10:00 hours... first shift over... (he starts to finger the keypad on the wall near the closed door)... should be... riiiiight... here.
(He punches the button and the closet door flies open. An avalanche of janitorial equipment, loosely installed shelves, and various other odds and ends rumbles out, bearing within their midst a rudely-awakened Roger Wilco.)
Roger: WHAT!? My breakís over already!? I didnít mean it! My clock must be wrong!
Will: Itís not over, Roger. I just had to brief you on an unforeseen assignment.
Roger (struggling to cram the supplies back into the closet before anyone else notices): A WHAT? Will, you know I hate things like that! Whatís the deal?
Will: Well, itís pretty hard to explain... but apparently some die-hard Space Quest fanatic somehow got a lift on a shuttle and is due here in ten minutes at the maximum. Come on, Roger. Weíd best get to the Shuttlebay Entrance now.
Roger: Oh, Cripes!! Why doesnít somebody TELL me these things!? Ah well. (kicking the remainder of the stuff back in the closet, closing the door and starting to walk down the corridor with Will) So... whatís the rundown? Whereís he from?
Will: She is from Earth, just like the other million or so fans of your games, Roger. Where else could the relay shuttles find a planet with above-average intelligence without using up more than the allowed amount of fuel? Those Two Guys you rescued sure drive a tough bargain, thatís for sure.
Roger: Okay. This... fan, I guess sheís harmless enough, Will? I wouldnít want to confront -- er -- conVERSE with this Earth person without knowing more about her -- ah -- appearance...
Will: Well, I know youíre not going to like this, Rog, but... sheís... (ponders for a moment)... kinda like Kielbasa.
Roger: Thatís it! Iím outta here, call me in sick; Iíll be in my quarters, working up some convincing auditory feedback!
Will: No, no, no! I didnít mean her personality was like Kielbasa! I meant her appearance was like Kielbasa! Get it?
Roger (calmer): Oh. So you mean she looks like...
Will: A big pussy-cat, right.
Roger: A pure Panthera Leo derivation?
Will: No, actually she looks more like an Acinonyx Jubatus.
Roger: Ah... come again?
Will: A cheetah. Golden with little black spots all over. Youíve seen them before.
Roger: Well... Iíve gotten this far. Whatís her name?
Will: From what the shipís pilot told me, I think her name was "Xandra..."
Roger: ZONDRA??? Do you mean Zondra?!? From ESTROS???
Will: No, no no, keep your shirt on, Roger! Itís Xandra, as in Alexandra, or Sandra with an Ďx.í You cool now?
Roger(still looking panicked): Sorry... there was a girl I ran into sometime back named Zondra... never really cared for her but... itís hard to care for someone who tries to put a spear gun through you...
Will: Just relax, Roger, the pilot told me that Xandra is perfectly harmless. He wouldíve told me more but Xandra was interfering with the communication signals in her efforts to get a good look out the viewscreen and he had to terminate the message.
Roger (sarcastic): Sounds great. (looks up and notices that theyíve reached the Shuttlebay Entrance. He and William stand in silence for several seconds) So... how many more minutes Ďtill...
(Roger is cut off by a loud, female voice coming from behind the doors.)
Voice: Honestly, you guys are so paranoid you canít even judge your own wristwatches! The last thing I need around here is a BODYGUARD! I know this place backwards and forwards! Yeah, I know you donít understand it, I meant it metaphorically! That good enough for ya? NO?!? Oh, heck, who cares? Just open the darn door!
Will: That must be your visitor. Iíll leave you with her. (turns and walks to the transport pad.)
Roger (looking helpless): Will?? But Will??? (Will vanishes into the tube. Roger glances around nervously, trying to look his best for the Ďvisitor,í whose voice continues to approach as the doors begin opening from the outside.)
Voice: Sheesh, canít all these stupid doors open at the same time!? All this high techerry up the wazoo and you canít even get a lot of doors to open at once?? If so, we got a problem. And stop LOOKING at me like that! Youíd think you donít trust me, the way youíre looking at me... how much longer??
(The doors finally open completely and a human-sized cheetah with long, blonde hair, and brown eyes wearing a green T-shirt and shorts with a solemn-looking pilot by her side step through. The cheetah-girl (obviously Xandra) immediately locks her gaze on Roger.)
Xandra: Roger Wilco! There you are! FINALLY! The way the guys back home are discussing you, Iíd think Iíd have to locate you in an Intensive Care Unit!! But here you are, alive and well! Boy, what they would give just to see you...
Roger: Ah... youíre the one called Xandra, right?
Xandra: Yes, Xandra. No relation to Zondra the Estrosian, just co-incy-dental, I guess. (chuckles to herself. The pilot, seeing that no one else is in need of his services, leaves through the doors.)
Xandra (looking Roger over): So this Roger Wilco, Douser of the Deltaur, Snuffer of the Sariens, Vholluper of Vohaul and Wooer of Wankmeister. Nice to meet you.
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